In Which I Attempt Blogging (Again)

Exhibit A: The glamorous reality of blogging. Witness the majestic clutter, the beverage of questionable temperature, and the creative chaos in its purest form.

So, anyway, back to blogging.

I know. It's been 4 years since my last post which, coincidentally, was my first post. I had all kinds of plans to get into blogging. I was going to have the bloggiest blog in all of Blogdom! Anyway, that's what my ADHD brain said. But, like any good ADHD brain, once that itch was scratched, all done!

Today I'm trying to make it to Blogdom again, but ADHD has called in sick (conveniently, and right when I needed her!) and left Anxiety in charge. Now, don't get me wrong, Anxiety has many talents—overthinking, catastrophic forecasting, making me regret texts from three years ago—but writing? Not one of them. So I've written and deleted this post at least 3 times now. But, let's be real, this one will probably be deleted too. If you DO happen to be reading this, send me a note of congrats. I need it. Anyway, ok, I'm writing this blog. It's saying some things and nothing at all, you capisce? No, me neither. See, this is why I've never actually done the blogging that I've wanted to do. In my head blogging is so noble and artistic. I picture myself all Murder-She-Wrote with the reading glasses slipping off the tip of my nose while I click-click-clack away on my massive 1960s typewriter.

"Jane, you can't write a blog on a typewriter, duh."

Yeah, I know, smarty pants. That's probably part of the reason I haven't gotten very far. The reality of writing a blog post is much less exciting and sexy. Instead of gathering my tea, a cozy lap blanket, pinning my hair up into a messy but intentional looking bun, and sliding into my comfy desk chair in my sunlit office with massive windows looking out over the lake, I'm slouched in my cruddy IKEA desk chair with an overly bright desk lamp in my otherwise dark studio and half-drunk electrolyte water that I've been carrying around all day. Hang on. Let me finish this water and be done with it.

Aaah. Much hydrate. Such refresh.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, the realities of blogging. One other thing I forgot is necessary when blogging is something to say. Weird, right? I know, I was surprised that was a requirement too. But the problem is, when I'm not blogging, I have all kinds of ideas in my head that sound like they would make really good reading! But when I sit down, all that's in my head is air and cricket sounds.

"Write your ideas down and come back to them later!" you say.

No. If I write the idea down, my ADHD wipes its hands with a self-satisfied smile, pats itself on the back a little too enthusiastically, and then is no longer interested in blogging. "The idea is on the list! It's already out in the world! What more do you want from me!?" Then Anxiety picks up the list, grimaces, and makes up some excuse why that's probably a terrible idea.

"So, Jane, why the hell do you keep feeling the urge to blog?" you ask.

That's a good question... And the answer is... Well... I don't know what the answer is. How about that?

[insert a good 5 minutes of rereading what I wrote, zoning out, and wondering why my Pandora station is suddenly playing weird French music]

You know, I just realized what the answer is. My brain is constantly filled with buzzings and musings and ideas and narratives and dialogues. It's kind of like shaking a can of soda. Eventually it's going to explode. So, I guess I want to blog so my head doesn't explode. That sounds like a mildly unpleasant experience, not to mention messy.

Anyhow, this is a practice blog to see if I really want to torment myself with the blogging bug again.

See you in another 4 years!